Adversity breeds Revival

I've been dealing with some crazy stuff it seems like. Some of it is my on adversity, some of it is the adversity of those I care a lot about. Yet, these two different types of adversity have created a creative spark. I have ideas.. I have BIG ideas about what comes next. I'm letting go of the focus I have on how terrible my current job seems to be. I'm going to embrace the situation I'm going to us it to start spreading the word to people that I'm providing financial solutions to. Get ready for something big... It may take months, and only a select few will know what's coming. Either way pray for it... change is daily, change is terrific, change is going to change lives. It's a new day, every morning we get a new start. Pray for it.

Rollercoasters

Life moves faster than I want it too... I'm learning to take all things in stride... to let God take complete control instead of trying to handle things on my own. Reading this book called Radical is helping greatly. The last few nights have been sleepless to say the least, my heart and mind have caused any rest to be absent from my body and soul. I prayed for comfort at first... then I remembered that David Platt says we should be bold, and instead of praying for comfort, we should just pray for the Comforter... that's what I'm doing, and God has flooded me with His grace and mercy, He has flooded me with the Holy Spirit. While I don't like the direction some things are going... I am at peace, and I know with time, if I'm patient, God will reveal the right direction for the things I'm struggling with.. I need Him now, and the greatest part of needing Him is that He is always there... Grace and Peace

Getting back to me...

So the description of this blog is "Life as it happens" roughly... well, Life has been happening, in quick and crazy ways but I am excited about every moment of it. I am so thankful for the direction God is taking my life... so this blog is going to be very random, and very much about everything He is doing an teaching me. First things first, the last few times I've blogged I have talked about the uncertainty in my life, and while some of that still exists God has been answering prayers left and right. Starting with redefining who I am. When I went to Ethiopia my life seemed to be a mess, I was confused about life, love, faith, and future. Coming back to Indiana was not my first choice, but I realize now that it was His purpose not mine. I have rekindled some old friendships and strengthened many others. I am so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life, especially those that have been so consistent during the bad times throughout the years. I truly feel at home in this town, and while I still struggle with missing Lexington and desiring to move to Nashville, I realize that without this place, without these people I wouldn't be who I am now. I feel as though I am back to my roots, to the person I was supposed to be all along. I feel like me, and that is a feeling I have been missing for quite some time... I finally landed a job. This last two weeks has been an absolute whirlwind of emotion and faith. I got turned down after one interview, and I was struggling. Yet, God provided an opportunity that starts in a few days and I am so thankful to be back at IBT for a while. I made my deadline, I had a job by July 1st and that is truly God working in awesome ways. I can't wait to begin this position and see where God leads me next. Laughter is no longer scarce in my laugh. I have laughed more in the last 4 weeks than I have in a very long time. Late nights with great friends, text conversations about things that make no sense, and every moment spent with the people that know me better than anyone else have improved my quality of life. I am experiencing quality and quantity of time with those I love more than ever before, and it is even at the point that I don't have enough time to spend with all of those people. My heart has been filled with desire for the last few weeks to make some changes in different relationships and God has provided. I am so blessed to be in the place that I am. I wake up every day even more thankful and excited for what God will do next, it absolutely blows my mind. When I got home, my focus was on God, and Brad. I became selfish very quickly, and the two people I love most suffered for that. I am so thankful I have the understanding and caring parents that God gave me. I am blessed beyond words to have my Mom and Pops by my side every step of the way, guiding and directing me, and teaching me things, by the grace of God. I guess I never took the time to realize how well my parents truly listen to God, and how well I need to listen to Him and them. Granted we still have our differences, but seeing the love they share with each other, and the love they show my sister and I gives me hope that I can one day be the man, husband, and father God is calling me to be, one that will be close, yet fall short of all that my Pops has been to our family. I still struggle with the things that are lost. My house at 431 Union Street, the parts of my childhood that went with that, my grandparents, friends that have come and gone, and the things I let slip away. But God has blessed me ten times over, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Sitting here listening to music and the song playing says it all... "I'm what I am, and I'm what I'm not, and I'm sure happy with what I've got, I live to love and laugh a lot, and that's all I need...I've never wanted nothin' more" I am moved by the power of God's grace. Stay tuned viewers, there is so much more to come... some of which is already in my heart but not yet ready for the world... or facebook to hear. Grace and Peace, B

Rock Solid

I returned to the Bible study Open Table the other night as planned. What I didn't realize though was how God was going to speak to me, how powerful the scripture and discussion was going to be. Everything was good, from the start my mind was racing with answers to the questions that were posed. One question/scripture really caught my attention though and it was the 7th question and the scripture came from Matthew 7:24-25. The scripture reads: (Jesus says) "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock." Now, as soon as I read this I started thinking about some of the weddings I have been to in the last year and a half, and stay with me as I break this down. At some of these weddings instead of doing the traditional lighting of the Unity Candle, the Bride and Groom have down a "mixing of the sands". What this generally looks like is the Minister takes a rock and places it in a glass vase to signify Christ being the Eternal Rock that this marriage will be built on. There are many scriptures that reference God as being the Eternal Rock on which we should build our lives such as the one above and one of my favorites Isaiah 26:4. The Bride, Groom, and Minister then proceed to each dump a different colored sand over the rock, the bride and groom's sands are colors of their choosing, but the Minister's sand is white to symbolize the purity, grace and mercy that comes with two lives becoming one in Christ. All three are poured in simultaneously, mixing together to show that these two have become one in Christ. The vase is then sealed with wax so the newly weds may keep this as a memory of that day. Now there is a reason this verse applies to all of us and God placed a different idea on my heart. Let me ask you this, should there only be a rock in the main vase? Should only the unity of two lives becoming one be built on the Rock Eternal? I say simply, no. Both the Bride's vase and the Groom's vase should each contain their own rock. We should be building our daily lives on the Eternal Rock so that we are much more stable and balanced when we are united with the person God made to perfectly compliment us. Why would you want to try and stick two unstable foundations onto a solid piece of the puzzle, that can't hold both people without tipping one way or the other? The tipping is what causes separations and divorce, heartache and headaches. I think it is crucial that our generation build our own houses on a solid foundation daily, that way we can add that experience to the vase, and stand a little more firmly on our Rock, our Creator. Why don't we challenge ourselves on a more daily basis to build our lives on the solid foundation of Christ? I'm not saying that no one does this, I just don't think it's as prevalent as it should be, I know it's something I have struggled with. Take this challenge with me, each morning wake up and start your day with Christ, eat lunch with Christ, take your coffee breaks with Christ, spend time at the gym, in the car, in your room, or at your job with Christ and fully focus on that time. See if your life doesn't change... Grace and peace

An unfolding story...

My life seems like it has been a whirlwind since I returned from Africa. God has done so many amazing things in my life, I feel like I am being blessed far beyond what I deserve which makes me think about how truly unworthy we are. Last night at small group we had a discussion about God being a part of our lives, about if He accepts us for who we are, and so on. I was blown away at the thought that God, the creator of Heaven and Earth, completely accepts me for who I am, merely because He loves me. No matter how many times I screw up, no matter how many times I fail, or let Him down... He always lifts me up. I guess I never realized how much hope I truly have only because I know God on a personal level. Throughout my life I have merely gotten by as far as the whole Christian thing is concerned, until the last few years. When I really decided to hand my life over to Christ, I realized during our conversation last night, that I no longer fear the same things, I have hope for good results in difficult times, I look forward to what He has planned. I think I am just blown away by the fact that He shows us grace... at no cost to us. Jesus didn't just die on the cross to forgive our sins... Jesus died on the cross because He loved us so much He couldn't bear the thought of not having us join him for eternal life in Heaven... this whole idea makes me think of my own life... Show.More.Grace. I realized that a lot of times in my own life, I expect things from other people before I show them grace. I expect an apology at the least... and even then sometimes I fail to show them grace. But JESUS showed me, you, and all of us grace, before we were even alive, before we had even been conceived. AND if Ephesians 5:1 says "Be imitators of God" shouldn't we be willing to show others grace more easily, if Jesus could show us God's grace centuries before we were around?? I realize this post is a little scatter-brained, but it's something that has been stirring around inside me most of the day. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it... For that matter I'm still trying to wrap my head around all the amazingly wonderful things God has done in my life in the last week and a half (and of course before then too)... For the first time I feel like I am the character in a book, watching my own story unfold, a story that was set into motion long ago, a story that already has an ending... and for the first time, I don't want to put the book down, I want to keep reading, and see what great adventures and devastating disappointments await me... Grace and Peace

A change of country, brought a change of heart

I apologize for the lack of updates following my return to the United States, but fear not, now that I am home for good I intend to update multiple times a week. Let's get to the real meat and potatoes right off the bat. Ethiopia. Wow... I.Am.Changed. I had no idea what to expect when I left this place for a third-world country, for a place I had never been too, to a place that I knew very little about. It's probably a good thing I had very little expectation for my trip, because it allowed me to be open to everything God wanted to do in my life. As some of you know our trip started out pretty rocky with some delay in flights, causing us to spend a whole day in Detroit (yippeee) and miss a whole day in Ethiopia. God had a purpose though, God used that time to prepare our hearts even more, and to bring us together before we even got out of our comfort zones. The time spent in that hotel began memories that I will cherish for a very long time, and it set a precedent for the rest of the trip. I realized that God was going to teach me a lot on that trip, I realized this because He started with a lesson in patience and faith when our flights got messed up. When we arrived in Ethiopia it was 1:00 am there, and we were exhausted. The ride from the airport to the compound I was completely mesmerized by everything around us, I didn't feel an ounce of exhaustion during those 25 minutes because I was so floored by the knowledge that I was in Africa. I had no idea what the next day would bring and I didn't care a bit, I was ready for anything. I.wasn't.ready. Monday was... hard. The work was good but difficult, and after only having about 6 hours of sleep, traveling for 2 days, and sleeping very little on the flights I was ready to collapse at the end of the day. We were building a house, and we got started that morning, working, learning, and doing everything that we could to push through until quitting time. I was ready for bed at 8:00 pm that first night, and I slept like a baby. Being away from my family and friends proved to be much more difficult than I expected it to be, I struggled greatly those first few days. However, that was part of God's plan. I learned how to PRAY... let me explain that. I have always prayed, I have always brought my troubles before God and asked him to fix them, but up to this point that was about all I ever did. When I think about it, and I am truly honest with myself and all of you, I realize that my prayer life was...well... pitiful. I used this analogy tonight at small group, and I said that a lot of times I treat God as a landlord. What I mean by that is that I call on Him only when things are broken, and expect Him to fix things with little help or effort put out by me. This really came to the forefront of my realizations in Africa. I noticed that I didn't pray the way that I should. It wasn't about the amount of time I spent praying, rather it was the way that I was praying. I needed to be in full conversation and fellowship with my creator while I was praying, and not once a day but throughout the day. So I started praying more on our trip. I prayed specifically for a few different things, I prayed for discernment, which He provided, and I prayed for the full Ethiopian experience, and that I would be broken. Be.Careful.What.You.Pray.For. I had no idea God would answer in the way that He did. Even the answer to my prayers for discernment was a bit of a shock, but it ended up being what was best for me, even if I disagreed originally. The other two prayers is really where I want to focus though. I prayed to be broken... and I was shattered in a million pieces. God not only broke me spiritually in providing great conversation, teaching me about my own prayer life and faith, but also emotionally in being away from and without communication with my family, and physically. Emotionally... I felt alone at first. I will honestly say I speak to my parents every day, even at school I would at least email/text one of them. I was used to talking to my sister, my favorite Old Tymer, and my best friends. Other than a few emails I had no way of communicating. God used this time to teach me about depending on Him for comfort rather than depending on others. At one point on Wednesday I was furious because I hadn't received an email from my family at all. God placed a peace on my heart that told me to not be angry, and I prayed for forgiveness, then I prayed that He would encourage me that day, to keep pushing forward despite my emotional break. An hour later I logged on to my gmail account for the first time and I had 6 emails from family and friends, talk about encouragement! I felt this sense of calm, I was ready to continue serving my God with the knowledge that people were praying for me at home. I felt on top of the world to be honest, and at 8000 ft. elevation, that's not hard to do! Then something else happened... remember how I said I was physically broken as well? That hit hard and hit fast. I woke up Monday morning, after a week in Ethiopia, feeling as though I was going to die. I was ready to write my will. Convinced that I had malaria, I found the strength to get up, I made it the 10 ft to the bathroom and got sick. It stayed that way until Wednesday afternoon. I didn't eat for 3 days and lost 15 pounds. I was miserable. Yet, I got what I asked for. God not only broke me yet again, but He made sure I got the whole Ethiopian experience. T.I.A. This is Africa. The Fehl's explained that being sick was just part of it, and that I prayed for it and God provided... next time I go out of the country I will be a little more cautious. However, the time spent in bed/bathroom allowed me to read, pray, and think about everything that life had thrown at me in the last few months. I was able to make some big decisions, realize some things, learn a few lessons, and enjoy a good book. I am so thankful for those three days that I was sick. Here.I.Am. So here I am, I'm back in the U.S. and completely changed by my trip. I learned a lot about myself, about how to live my life for God, and about the things that aren't necessities in life. I am now back in Columbus, IN. Living at home, reading, doing as many things with my church as possible, enjoying my family, hanging out with friends, getting back in shape, playing golf, and searching for a job of course. Now, this isn't the end of the updates on what happened in Ethiopia, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Stay tuned if you want to here the rest. Grace and Peace.

With the change in seasons comes a new season...

We recently transition from winter into... spring (also known as melty winter), and soon we will transition into Summer. Just as many of us will transition from one season of our lives to the next. For me this comes in the form of graduation. Weird. I was sitting here just now working (or attempting too) on some of my final exam/project work and realized that in just 24 hours my life as a college student comes to an end. 1 day. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. What a mix of emotions this brings to my core. Earlier today I was on the phone with one of my oldest, and best friends Gabe. We were discussing life, the changes that are about to be made, the path that God is laying out before us, and the plans that He has yet to revealed. We talked about our excitement for the next stage of our lives. Gabe as received and accepted a job offer, and on June 11th he will be marrying the girl of his dreams, and the girl that I know God created just for him. I couldn't be more excited. As for me, all I know is that I am going to Africa, our paths are very different, but then again they always have been. Since we were little kids Gabe and I have been extremely different. Yet, for almost all of the last 18 or so years we have remained great friends. Just like many guys we have had our fair share of issues, but that conversation tonight just made me realize how much we have experienced together. Gabe and I's friendship has been a huge part of my college experience, granted we lived far away from each other, and sure we didn't see each other often, but we went through a lot together. Gabe was my support through a terrible breakup, through uncertainty and darkness in my walk with Christ, and a constant reminder that I can accomplish all things through Christ who strengthens me. We've been through so many things together, that I can't believe either one of us has survived this crazy journey... the point of this part of this post is to let Gabe know that I am proud of his accomplishments, I am blessed to have him as a brother, and I am greatly looking forward to what God has in store for both of us... After that conversation came the thought that I described earlier, and with it came sadness and frustration. I don't know what life holds, I have no answers, and I have nothing figured out... except for this... I know that God is my rock, my Savior, my deliverer and my redeemer. I know that because of my faith in God I will always know love and I will have infinite opportunities to experience grace. Does this mean that I'm not going to face trials and tribulations? Of course not! Can anyone guess what verse is coming next??? That's right, James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds. For the testing of your faith develops perseverance, perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I am excited to struggle, to face trials, and to walk blindly into uncertainity. And yes, I am terrified. I am utterly scared. And I know that is okay, because I know that while I am uncertain, God has a plan for me. A plan so great that I can't even begin to wrap my head around what it entails... I am so thankful for everything I have experienced in college. I have been angry about things, hurt, devastated, and immature... yet proud, accomplished, patient, and gracious in other situations. I look back on this college experience and realize that there are probably some things I would change... Some wrongs I would right, some fights I would allow myself to lose, some fights I would push harder to win, some people I would fight harder for, and some people I would probably allow to walk out of my life. Yet, when I think about changing those things, I am glad I can't. They have shaped me into exactly the person that I am, and for that I am thankful. I have struggled for years with self-image... yet sitting here tonight, I am confident in who I am, in how I look, in what God created me for. I know that there are lifestyle changes I am going to make upon graduation, and I know that they will improve my quality of life... I want to live in a new way for Christ. I want to provide a new outlet for God to use me to glorify Him. I want to be new, but not lose sight of the old... I want to learn compassionate sacrifice (but that is a whole different post, look for it this week) I want to thank my family especially. I want to thank you for enriching my life in whatever way you did. I want to thank my parents for instilling the values in me that made this possible, and of course for providing the financial, emotional, and spiritually support that I needed to accomplish my dreams of graduating college. I want to thank my grandparents.. on both sides. Nonny and Poppy you have provided memories, financial support, constant love, and many wise and insightful conversations that have helped me to become who I am. Grandma and Grandpa, even though you weren't here to see this. I can always feel your presence, and I know that there are times when you are smiling down upon me, and times where I have let you down. Knowing that you are watching from above has helped me to stay on the path that God laid before me, because you have always taught me that faith and family come first and foremost. To my sister: You are an inspiration, and during your hard time I worry not... because I know that you are an amazing person and you have such a gift for what you do. I love you, and I am proud that my older sister has accomplished what you have accomplished... I can't thank everyone... there is absolutely no way. I will lay out this blanket statement for all of you though, I want to thank everyone for.. the late nights, the early mornings, the all night study sessions, the baseball games, the basketball games, the classes that we shared, the classes that we skipped, the love and the heartbreak, the hugs and the punches, the trivia nights, and the movie marathons, the cold beers, and the warm coffee... thank you for everything you have shared with me to make this experience so wonderful. So to college I say goodbye, and to life I say bring it on. My God and I will take everything you throw at me in stride, and I know that I can accomplish anything, I just have no idea what any of that will be... Grace and Peace