In Awe

Very rarely am I at a loss for words when it comes to what's going on, my opinions, or just daily thoughts. However, so many things have happened in the last week or so I don't even know where to begin. I do know that God moved in a huge way this past weekend. The conversations He sparked, the dreams He rekindled, and the memories He created were exactly what I needed... and of course, He knew that. Before I tell you THAT story, let me go back a little farther and start from the beginning...

I have noticed a change in myself, I don't know if it's growing up or just being more focused on the things that matter, but there has been a huge change. A few weeks ago I started running, I wanted to lose weight, feel better about myself. I didn't even consider what God was going to do with my runs, to be honest, I didn't even think about the fact that He would be present. Lucky for me, He used a dear friend, one of my best friends, one that I consider like a little sister to help me. Not only did Hayli start running with me, we started using our morning (yes, we get up and run in the morning BEFORE work) runs to have conversations about all kinds of topics. I love who Hayli has become, and I am incredibly thankful for her. In a previous post I wrote about how the tables had turned and it was now Hayli that was giving me advice, and that hasn't changed a bit. But not only does she give me advice or opinions, she asks me for my opinions, and we have had some really cool conversations. What this has to do with what's happening now started sometime about a two weeks ago I believe. I was talking to Hayli about the fact that I hadn't been sleeping at night, I was restless and couldn't shut my brain off. This is not a new problem for me, it happens every few months or so, but Hayli asked me a question that no one else had asked before. Not only did she ask about work stress or personal stress (both things she knew the answer too) but she asked if anything was inherently different in my Spiritual life. That's when it hit me, things hadn't necessarily been different, but that was the problem. I was again allowing my faith and my time with God to fall by the wayside. I thought a lot about it that day and that evening... I told God that I wanted to refocus on my relationship with Him, I wanted Him to be in control of all aspects of my life, and I was tired of being tired. Then God did what He does, and calmed my soul. He put a peace on my heart and gave me much needed rest. I slept better that night than I had in a long time. This whole situation really made me crave some rejuvenating, and again, that's exactly what I got.

I went away last weekend, I went to spend time in my other home city, with people that I haven't seen since October. What an answer to my prayers. I had some intense, real, heart wrenching conversations about Christ, the Kingdom, the American Church, our role as Christians, and got down to the root of my complacency with life lately. If you're wondering what I mean, keep reading, it's coming I promise. The biggest thing I want to take away from all these conversations is something that my friend Price has said to me a number of times, that has never sank in before, he said "I am never amazed by God, but I am always in awe of Him". Wow. What a cool what to look at things, it makes complete sense. If we are indeed amazed by God, it almost implies that we didn't have the faith that He could do the very thing that we were amazed by. However, when we are in awe of God, it's acknowledging that we knew and had faith that He was capable of doing anything, and we are moved by the fact that He loves us enough to continually do those things. I tell you what, I have been in awe of God every day since Price and I had that conversation...

My head is absolutely buzzing with everything that was discussed while I was out of town. I have a new fire burning inside me to not only pursue Christ more intently, but to pursue furthering His Kingdom but working with what He has blessed me with. I've been thinking a lot about the idea of ministry and what that looks like for me right now. I have an amazing ministry opportunity by working for Cummins. In Matthew 28:19 Christ calls us to "go out and make disciples of all nations". What he didn't say, was that we had to go to those Nations in order to make disciples out of the people. Stick with me here. Many of you know I am a huge proponent of international missions work. I love going to new cultures and learning about them while teaching Jesus' word. There are a couple of things that have hit me lately when it comes to Matthew 28:19 and missions work. Most of these things were sparked by a book I have been reading and from conversations with a dear friend Saturday night. The first thing is that we are all called to make disciples and share the Good News, but we are all called in different ways. Many people lose sight of the fact that living in the United States is a ministry opportunity in itself. God has brought the nations to us, they are here in our cities, they are a part of our lives. Cummins is an incredibly diverse company, which provides HUGE opportunities to minister to the Nations. Which also helps me to realize that we need to welcome people of other Nationalities into our homes and churches. We need to make more of an effort to not consider them "our churches" and pay more attention to that they are God's churches. All people are a part of the Church. I'm reading a book all about that, so I'll elaborate on that point at a later date. The other point that came from this conversation is the way we go about international missions. I think a lot of us, me included, have lost sight of the point of an international mission trip. We are called to go overseas to experience new cultures, teach them about Jesus and help them find ways to implement Jesus into their culture... because He's already there. Too often we focus too much on the American way of experiencing Jesus, but we can't expect other cultures to experience Him in the same way that we do. We, as Christians, need to focus on the fact that we are Christian missionaries and not American missionaries. Please don't misconstrue what I am saying, I'm not saying ALL international missions are this way, I just think it needs to be addressed, as do a lot of things about the American church. I have a burning desire to see us return to the roots of what it means to be Christ followers, to worship with unabashed excitement. To spread Jesus everywhere we go, and not just the American idea of Jesus, but the REAL, pure Jesus. I think we need to be more focused on saving souls than filling seats. I think...

There's a lot going on in this post, and it's merely a starting point. I need a place to really compile these thoughts, put them out there and have more meaningful conversations about these ideas. I don't know who will read this, but I do know one thing. I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you are taking the time to read my ideas and beliefs, and possibly even use them to take action. I am thankful for my home, my city, my friends, and my family. I am also EXTREMELY thankful for everything that I experience in Lexington last weekend. I am thankful for the Watkins family and the generosity they show me every time I visit, and I am thankful for Lindsey and her heart and passion for Christ. The conversations we had last weekend completely moved me and helped me to rekindle some serious fires that need to be burning in my soul. I look forward to the next opportunity I have to visit and experience all that God has in store, and between now and then I will cling to the experiences He creates day in and day out here at home. Again, thanks for reading-- I know these are some seriously scattered thoughts, but as I have said before this blog is meant to be raw and unedited. Please know that I am praying for you, and would love to talk to you more about these things and pray with you in the coming days. In Christ...

Grace and Peace,

B