A.Long.Long.Time.Ago.
I have always wanted to start a post that way, mission accomplished I suppose... When I was in middle school I began searching-- like most kids my age (13-14) I started to feel the pressures of becoming a teenager, I started to realize things were going to change right before my eyes and I didn't know how to deal with those changes. You see, like many kids at the stage in life I didn't... fit. It seemed then that everywhere I went I failed to fit in... I was sort of a misfit. On the outside no one knew that I felt this way, or what I was dealing with on the inside. I was so far removed (on my own accord) from things that I had no where to run... no one to talk to (at least that's what the enemy told me)... and so instead-
I.Started.To.Write.
It was natural. I sat at a computer in my room and began pouring my heart into those keys. Each keystroke was like removing a penny from the pile of thousands that had been crushing my soul. No one ever read the majority of those early writing, a few still remain, but the majority were lost with my childhood in a fiery blaze. I didn't realize when the writing began that it would become my biggest outlet for the pain, struggle, trial, tribulations, joys, excitement, and confusion that have been drops of water in the glass of life. I didn't realize this release, this escape that my "anguished" teenage (early at best) heart was relying on would become my spiritual gift (*Disclaimer: Others have called it that, I simply refer to it as a way to organize my thoughts). I never realized that God was behind it all, because during those years (13-17) I didn't give God credit for much of anything.
So.Whats.It.All.Mean.
You (the reader, yeah you the person sitting at your computer thinking why in the world is this nut job still talking to me in parenthesis) might be thinking, where is this going? Tonight I got to hear from the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms. Something he said resonated inside me.. Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed". You see in my brokenhearted moments God has been there all along and when He couldn't get my attention He planted a seed. He rescued my spirit by giving me an escape, by pushing me to press that first key. He's been rescuing me in the same way ever since. If you have ever read any previous posts you might notice something- Each time I post it's generally about a lesson God has taught, a revelation, a desire, a need or a moment of confusion in which I needed clarity. In all of those instances God is using those thoughts, those words to rescue me from myself, because inherently, I bottled things up and over analyzed everything, before I started writing.. God threw me a life vest to keep me from drowning myself in a sea of ignorance, depression, self-deprecation and brokenness. The best part, is now, I can pray to be broken, because my brokenness is an opportunity for God to put me back together, He will inevitably rescue the pieces and put them back together in a way that will better glorify Him.
What.About.You.
What in your life is drowning you? Is it an internal affliction or an external attack that has you thrashing in the ocean of life, silently screaming for help? Have you asked for a life vest, or has God thrown you one, an you don't even realize it? Define that hobby that just feels normal, that feels like a release. What is that one thing you do that while doing it you feel the pressure lesson? Identify it, give thanks to Christ for it, establish time on a regular basis to work at it, share it with the world, and make sure you do it for the glory of the Kingdom.
Allow God to Rescue You
Grace and Peace
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