9.25.2012

My Chains are Gone

I am blessed every day and last night I was blessed in an awesome way. For years, I have always justified my lack of Christian brothers by the thought that "I just get along better with girls", which in all honesty, is absolutely hilarious. Don't get me wrong, my female friends bring a lot of joy, insight, and comfort into my life and I am definitely blessed by them. Yet, yesterday... was a day filled with 4 conversations that truly engulf what it means to live in community with The Brotherhood. These conversations were completely sparked by God telling me I needed to reach out, be vulnerable, and seek counsel from men that have been where I am. I had no idea what that looked like, because in all honesty, especially in certain situations... I don't do that often. Last night I did though... 3 of the conversations were about what's on my heart, about the patience I know I need to have for God's will for my life, and how my brothers have each approached similar situations. The 4th conversation was just about reconnecting. I have a brother that is 8 years younger than me in age, but right beside me if not ahead of me spiritually... but that's a story that you have to wait until October for....

So it may seem like I'm rambling, but there is a point to this nonsensical typing. I want to touch on something very important that was said to me last night by my buddy Aaron. We were discussing life, and how to approach certain things from a Godly perspective. Aaron said to me, that because of our humanity we are always going to take God's gifts and make them ours. That's a terrible reality. It hit me hard, because I realize that's what I have done from time to time with this blog. This thing I do, writing... it's not my gift in any way, shape or form. It's God's gift, that He has bestowed upon me, so that He can use it for HIS glory. So why have I not been more intentional about giving the glory to God? Because naturally, as a man, I want the glory for myself. I selfishly and sinfully want people to believe that these words are my own... but they are not. I'm merely the hands that peck the keys... It's the Trinity, God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit that speak the words that I write to you. Here's what I mean by that--

If it wasn't for God creating, loving, and guiding me... this blog wouldn't exist.
If it wasn't for Jesus saving, redeeming, and restoring me... this blog wouldn't exist.
If it wasn't for the Holy Spirit coming upon me, living in me, and filling me to the point that it overruns my soul... this blog wouldn't exist.

It's taken me 3 years to realize that. It's taken me 3 years to realize a lot of things. Yet, I am thankful for the lesson today. It's given me a different approach to this blog, and to my daily life. Everything I have, everything I am, everything I will become... is from God, for God and of God. It really has nothing to do with me at all... in fact, I'm just a vehicle for Him to move things from one point to another, whether it's words or deeds. Which makes me realize how precious the gifts He has given me are... words, people, family, love, friends, comfort, stability, opportunity, etc. The really cool thing about the gifts I receive from God, is that I receive them in His time, not my own. If I received them in my own time... some I would receive way too soon to handle, and others I would never receive. I say that because I realize that there are people, things, and opportunities in my life that I would never even realize I needed. I wouldn't approach things the way I do now, because it wouldn't be about Him... it would be all about me. That's a hard lesson to learn, but I am thankful for it. This morning I spent my time alone, praying and worshiping... which is really what my daily life should look like. As I was driving to work, "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)" by Chris Tomlin came over the radio. I began to sing it like I always do, but something was different this morning. I could literally feel the chains of ME begin to break away. I began to feel His mercy and grace raining down on me, and could hear Him say... "It's okay to die to yourself today, come and let ME lead you... follow  ME, and I will restore your brokenness. I am proud of you for giving yourself to ME, for surrendering your desires, and trying your hardest to be patient and wait for MY timing." This morning I was redeemed... and God knew exactly which conversations I needed to have yesterday to get me to that point today.

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Grace and Peace

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