Faith is Living... and My heart is anxious

Just.A.Song

There's a song I listen to pretty often by John Waller called Faith is Living. It's always been a huge encouragement to me, it's a song crying out to God about trusting in Him, having faith that He would provide, stepping out into the unknown because you know He will protect you. My favorite line is the beginning of the second verse: "I want to be a man like Abraham, who went to a foreign land, because YOU said Go, he trusted YOU by faith".. Now I have thought about that verse so many times but the other night it really hit me hard during a conversation with one of my closest friends. We were discussing the prospects of me moving, her vote is for me to return to Lexington, but I know she supports me no matter what. I think it was really the first time that I realized I wasn't just okay with going where God sent me, I desired it.

Its.Time.To.Move.

I am so ready and so anxious to see where God wants to send me. I have no idea what's next, but that conversation the other night made me realize that for the first time in my life and I am completely ready for God to do something so radical I can't even imagine what it is. Whether that be that He sends me overseas again, or just to another state, or even just a few miles down the road I am ready for change. I am ready to experience the rush of something new, the uneasiness of a new place, the uncomfortable feeling that comes with being somewhere I may have never been before. So I decided I wanted to live my life like Abraham, I want to go wherever Christ says go. Then I realized I didn't even know that much about Abraham.

So.I.Read.

I have a book called the Top 100 Men of the Bible (no I don't know how the person got the clout to write such a title) but I looked up Abraham and read the little two page synopsis. I realized I knew more than I thought about him but here's what blows my mind. Not only did Abraham move when God commanded, but He also was willing to sacrifice his son in order to do as God asked him. Which made me wonder.. If I am really going to try to become a man like Abraham, what am I willing to sacrifice in order to glorify my God? What a tough question, and reality hits hard. Lately I haven't been living my life as though I'm willing to sacrifice anything. I have really been living for Brad the last week or so and it's time for that to end. I think that's one of the reasons I am so open to change, I think I am realizing slowly that I am willing to sacrifice what's comfortable for what's uncomfortable, what's normal for what's weird, what's safe for what's not so secure. I am ready to truly live like Abraham and sacrifice the life that I love, the life I live at home in Hope for the glory of God. Now that doesn't mean that I can't glorify God in Hope, but I feel a strong call to go elsewhere, I'm just not sure where that is yet. So pray with me, pray for me, pray about where God is leading your heart. Pray for the opportunity to sacrifice. I want to lead a life like Abraham, one in which with time I learn to go where He says go, and sacrifice at any cost... What do you want your life to look like??

Grace and Peace

Big answers in small packages...

Countless times I find myself saying "Okay God, I'm waiting for your answer" and I expect it to be huge, like written out in the sky by the clouds, spelled out on billboards heading down SR 46 on my way to work huge. And almost every time one of two things happens 1. God answers in the most quiet subtle way imaginable, OR He uses a small experience to slap me in the face with a realization. Tonight was the latter... Background.Story. I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately, most of it self-inflicted stress. I've been worried about my job, my friends, members of my family, etc. Just as a basis for the rest of this post here's what's been bothering me-- My job ends in two weeks, and I need a new one. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that quiet frankly scares the crap out of me. My Great Aunt who I hold near and dear to my heart has colon cancer, I hate cancer with a passion (at this point you must keep reading, irony awaits you) and I am sick of seeing it destroy the lives of loved ones. I have friends dealing with heartbreaks, death, illness, fear, and failure so I envelope myself in their problems to avoid my own, even though my own problems are very similar to theirs.

The.Breaking.Point.

Saturday was a crazy day, after a crazy week, and I just wasn't sure what to do. I left Purdue and time with my best friend and one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing to come back to Hope early that morning. I was going to see other friends which made the drive bittersweet. Yet, the thoughts of my future that flooded my mind on the ride home began to paralyze me. Once home I ignored it, focused on an issue of forgiveness and grace, and enjoyed my afternoon. Then I got word that a guy I have been praying for, a guy who meant a lot to this town and a lot to my family, lost his battle with cancer. I didn't know how to react, I just buried it like everything else... until Monday morning. I woke up with such a heavy heart and I cried the whole 30 minute drive to work. Now, I must say I am incredibly thankful for Lindsey, because had it not been for her encouragement I may have turned around and gone home. While crying I screamed for God's comfort, for answers, for something to give me hope for the future. Yet nothing came... until tonight.

Faith.Like.A.Child.

Tonight I went to teach my Kids Like Me class to a bunch of 7-8 year olds at Church. I was still dealing with a lot but the energy in that room always clears my mind and renews my soul. I stopped stressing for a little while and tried to enjoy acting like I'm 8, which as many of you know isn't hard for me to do. Then God started to answer everything I explained earlier in such a big way, from such a small girl. Her name is Kate and she's 9 years old. Now at first Kate didn't want to come into our class, but eventually she came in and had a blast. While out on the playground I heard one of the kids tell me that Kate had her own t-shirts that they sold at school. I asked why she had her own tshirt and she very nonchalantly replied "Because I go to Riley Childrens Hospital" now being curious I again asked her why, she shrugged her shoulders and said "I have cancer"... I went on to learn that she has neuroblastoma and has been battling it since she was 3 years old. I was shocked, and I drove home stunned and I sit here now completely flabbergasted (yes I just said that). At first my heart merely broke for her, I couldn't imagine being 9 years old and spending 2/3 of my life thus far battling cancer...

Big.answers.little.packages.

Remember how I said I hate cancer? God's irony at it's best, leave it to Him to use someone battling cancer to help me realize the answer to my questions as of lately, someone that is much more courageous than I am. Driving home I realized it was part of the plan to meet Kate. Not just so I could pray for her, not so my heart would break for her, and not so I would tell all of you about her. It was so much more than that. See this whole time I thought I was the teacher (funny how this always happens to me in ministry) and yet here's Kate a 9 year old girl teaching me more than I could ever hope to teach her. Kate is a vibrant child and an exhilarating breath of fresh air. God used Kate to make me realize that it all comes down to faith. Here I am, a man claiming to rely fully on God and yet stressed beyond belief over such minor things such as a job. Standing in front of a little girl who has been battling for her life for 6 years and shrugs it off like it's a lightning bug on her shoulder during a night game of tag in the middle of July. No big deal. You see even if Kate is scared she understands it's in God's hands. Thank God for the people that have instilled faith in this little girl. It made me understand that if a 9 year old can put her mortality in the hands of God and shrug it off, than putting all of the things that have been weighing on my soul so heavy should be easier. It's like Luke says in chapter 18 verses 16&17-- 16 Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 17 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” If we have faith like a child, if we receive the Kingdom as a child does, we'll inherit it. A child? Someone so small, young, naive, inexperienced at life... no, someone that has yet to be corrupted by this world, someone who still understands the fundamental parts of faith, that isn't bitter at the world yet... someone like Kate.

Grace and Peace

Providing Uncertainty

the insecurity of not knowing what is next usually destroys me... lately I find comfort in it, because it reminds me I am not in control. I need that reminder so often. It's funny the way God works. Today I have been frustrated, tired, complacent, questioning, uncertain, and discouraged. Then God did three things-- 1. He sent me on a 2 hour drive to help someone, and it was the most beautiful drive I have taken in quite a long time. 2. He provided a conversation about the Bible that got me thinking about the plans we make for ourselves and how they don't always line up with God's plan. 3. He comforted me about where I am with relationships with other people, partly by conversation and by a text message I just received from someone very important to me. It's funny that these things happen, because all of them went against my plan for today. Thank you for the failure of my plans, Lord, thank you for providing uncertainty so I can let you work in my life.

Grace and Peace,

B

Pray for the World

I feel a season of change coming... I'm fearful yet faithful that God will provide in every instance... slightly contradictory I know. I need prayers. I need prayers for my heart, for my future, for a job, for my Aunt battling cancer, for my friends that are without faith, for my future nephew coming from Ethiopia, for the world. Do that for me tonight... scratch that, do that for yourselves. Don't pray for all of the things I listed, just pray for one. Pray for the world. The people, the cultures, the violence, the sadness, the darkness, the economy... pray for a revolution started by Christian activists. Because if we aren't active in our faith-- what are we?

Grace and Peace-

Adversity breeds Revival

I've been dealing with some crazy stuff it seems like. Some of it is my on adversity, some of it is the adversity of those I care a lot about. Yet, these two different types of adversity have created a creative spark. I have ideas.. I have BIG ideas about what comes next. I'm letting go of the focus I have on how terrible my current job seems to be. I'm going to embrace the situation I'm going to us it to start spreading the word to people that I'm providing financial solutions to. Get ready for something big... It may take months, and only a select few will know what's coming. Either way pray for it... change is daily, change is terrific, change is going to change lives. It's a new day, every morning we get a new start. Pray for it.

Rollercoasters

Life moves faster than I want it too... I'm learning to take all things in stride... to let God take complete control instead of trying to handle things on my own. Reading this book called Radical is helping greatly. The last few nights have been sleepless to say the least, my heart and mind have caused any rest to be absent from my body and soul. I prayed for comfort at first... then I remembered that David Platt says we should be bold, and instead of praying for comfort, we should just pray for the Comforter... that's what I'm doing, and God has flooded me with His grace and mercy, He has flooded me with the Holy Spirit. While I don't like the direction some things are going... I am at peace, and I know with time, if I'm patient, God will reveal the right direction for the things I'm struggling with.. I need Him now, and the greatest part of needing Him is that He is always there... Grace and Peace

Getting back to me...

So the description of this blog is "Life as it happens" roughly... well, Life has been happening, in quick and crazy ways but I am excited about every moment of it. I am so thankful for the direction God is taking my life... so this blog is going to be very random, and very much about everything He is doing an teaching me. First things first, the last few times I've blogged I have talked about the uncertainty in my life, and while some of that still exists God has been answering prayers left and right. Starting with redefining who I am. When I went to Ethiopia my life seemed to be a mess, I was confused about life, love, faith, and future. Coming back to Indiana was not my first choice, but I realize now that it was His purpose not mine. I have rekindled some old friendships and strengthened many others. I am so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life, especially those that have been so consistent during the bad times throughout the years. I truly feel at home in this town, and while I still struggle with missing Lexington and desiring to move to Nashville, I realize that without this place, without these people I wouldn't be who I am now. I feel as though I am back to my roots, to the person I was supposed to be all along. I feel like me, and that is a feeling I have been missing for quite some time... I finally landed a job. This last two weeks has been an absolute whirlwind of emotion and faith. I got turned down after one interview, and I was struggling. Yet, God provided an opportunity that starts in a few days and I am so thankful to be back at IBT for a while. I made my deadline, I had a job by July 1st and that is truly God working in awesome ways. I can't wait to begin this position and see where God leads me next. Laughter is no longer scarce in my laugh. I have laughed more in the last 4 weeks than I have in a very long time. Late nights with great friends, text conversations about things that make no sense, and every moment spent with the people that know me better than anyone else have improved my quality of life. I am experiencing quality and quantity of time with those I love more than ever before, and it is even at the point that I don't have enough time to spend with all of those people. My heart has been filled with desire for the last few weeks to make some changes in different relationships and God has provided. I am so blessed to be in the place that I am. I wake up every day even more thankful and excited for what God will do next, it absolutely blows my mind. When I got home, my focus was on God, and Brad. I became selfish very quickly, and the two people I love most suffered for that. I am so thankful I have the understanding and caring parents that God gave me. I am blessed beyond words to have my Mom and Pops by my side every step of the way, guiding and directing me, and teaching me things, by the grace of God. I guess I never took the time to realize how well my parents truly listen to God, and how well I need to listen to Him and them. Granted we still have our differences, but seeing the love they share with each other, and the love they show my sister and I gives me hope that I can one day be the man, husband, and father God is calling me to be, one that will be close, yet fall short of all that my Pops has been to our family. I still struggle with the things that are lost. My house at 431 Union Street, the parts of my childhood that went with that, my grandparents, friends that have come and gone, and the things I let slip away. But God has blessed me ten times over, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Sitting here listening to music and the song playing says it all... "I'm what I am, and I'm what I'm not, and I'm sure happy with what I've got, I live to love and laugh a lot, and that's all I need...I've never wanted nothin' more" I am moved by the power of God's grace. Stay tuned viewers, there is so much more to come... some of which is already in my heart but not yet ready for the world... or facebook to hear. Grace and Peace, B